So I decided to start a blog. I'm not sure if I should use this sized text or this size. You tell me, since you're the one who is reading what I write. A friend of mine had me check her blog out, and I decided to sign up, since I always have so much to say. The problem, is that I never have anyone who cares to listen. I'm on Facebook, but it gets repetitious after a while. I did however, join a site called "Colourlovers.com. On there, my user name is MuseOfMusic, but I like it when everyone just calls me Jesse. I used to be an online DJ, playing all sorts of different songs, genres, even commercials. It was a lot of fun, and music is my life. I live by that statement, too. If music didn't exist, this world would be MUCH worse. Music heals, it soothes the soul, and it even helps you sleep. Proven fact: music helps those with anxiety. How do I know this? I have anxiety. Generalized. Nothing too drastic. But, I do take medication for it, unfortunately.
So I'm sure you want to know who I am, where I'm from and why I decided to start blogging. Well, I have a lot of opinions. I think sometimes, that what I have to say, is meaningful. People can learn a lot, from what I say, even through my poetry. Yep, I'm a poet, but you didn't know it. :) I'm 32 years old, and I live upstate, in NY, with my fiance' Steve, my mother and my stepfather. We have been trying to move out for almost two years, now. It's nearly impossible. I have 2 cats that I adore: Buggy and Mimi. I will post photos of them, at some point soon. (If you're interested.) But honestly, why would I care? I can write whatever I want and even if I have no followers, I'm getting things off my chest. So, I was talking about Colourlovers. I have a group on there called "Color Calming Creations", where I have a daily contest between two lovers. (Lovers=People that joined.) I pick one pattern, one palette and one color, from each and everyone in the group gets to vote. I have over 150 members, but I'm lucky I get 30 votes per day. Usually always the same folks, but that's alright. The site is simply amazing. You should check it out, if you haven't. http://www.colourlovers.com :)
I'm sitting here, wondering why I chose the name "MuseOfMusic". If I knew I'd fall in love with the site and what they do on there, I may have picked a better, more unique name. I thought about creating an alter ego, but that would just be wrong. I'd probably feel bad about deceiving people, and let them all know it was me, in disguise. I'm such a pussy. I never stand up for myself, because every time I do, I get shot down like a lightening bolt. I get walked on, ridiculed and laughed at, constantly. No one ever takes me seriously. I think that's why I love going on Colourlovers so much. No one really knows me on there, they know what I look like, but that's about it. I have made a few friends on there, one of which is who directed me to this blogging site. Her name is Lilly and she's awesome. So I started following her and decided what the hell. I'll create my own blog. Steve, my fiance', has been telling me to do this, for some time, now. Instead of lashing out at people that I know, why not get my feelings down, in a blog, where no one really knows me? Makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, I'll write more when I actually have something to say again. For now, I will leave you with a poem that I wrote. I've written a lot, since I was a teenager, so prepare yourself. Some of it is good, some of it is horrible. The stuff I like best though, is what I wrote when I was smoking pot. God, I miss that. I wasn't doing it for pleasure. I was doing it to help all of the pain I deal with, on a daily basis. Maybe the next blog, I'll explain some of it, since telling strangers, is no big deal. Until the next time~
Inside Me:
I babble on.
I quiver inside.
I want to scream,
but instead I hide.
My soul's very weak.
That, I cannot lie.
I search for our Lord,
our savior, Jesus Christ.
True heartbreak came,
and changed my world.
I feel like such a helpless girl.
Everything is different,
yet nothing has changed.
This life I'm experiencing
makes me feel so strange.
I drive my family
away from me.
I have no one to turn to,
so alone, I sit and plea.
Please help me, Lord.
Just make me clean.
I live for you, as you live inside me.
